Sick and Tired...

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Ugh, I've been so so so sick all day long. From the moment I woke up, to as I'm typing this while laying in bed and watching "Dawson's Creek". Yes, I said "Dawson's Creek"... you going to judge me for you? I didn't think so (it's a very awesome show!)

You know what being sick and tired all day gets you? Thoughts.. lots and lots of thoughts.

I've been feeling really down and low about my weight. I cringe everytime I look in the mirror and  I sit there and pick apart each and every flaw I find with myself (which, trust me, is plenty). Yes, I realize that this isn't healthy, but I just can't seem to stop myself. I workout and I really try to watch what I eat, but I just don't feel like it's enough. The scale has sat still this past week and I don't FEEL any better about myself. I think what I'm missing is the motivation and encouragement to step up my game.

I've lost a lot of weight before and I had such willpower and drive to do so (and I also had an exercise partner) and I sometimes wonder where that girl went. I cant stand to look at pictures of myself and I really need to fix this before this spring when we have engagement pictures. I don't want to look back at our engagement pictures and wedding pictures and only see a fat girl staring back at me. I want to look at the pictures and remember how happy I was that day to be marrying my best friend.

Not only that, but I know that even being a year out till the wedding.. I feel like I don't have any support from anyone. I ask someones opinion on something or ask them a question and I hear "whatever you want, I'll do" or "I don't care".. to some brides that would be heaven. BUT when you're trying to ask, for example, your bridesmaids what they think about a dress you picked because you want them to feel comfortable or ask them if they would like their makeup done professionally or just do it themselves.. why is it so hard to get an answer?? Not only that, but I really don't have any help when it comes to wedding things. I haven't a clue what to do half of the time and if I ever try to ask someone, I get no response.. no help, nothing. It's just very disheartening, ya know?

But what can I do? I'll probably log off the computer after this post and snuggle up in my warm blankets and fall asleep to a "Dawson's Creek" episode and will myself to wake up tomorrow with a fresh perspective. I CAN lose weight by being my only motivator (I've already gone 3 weeks with no pop and no fast food). I CAN do wedding things alone.. if I ask for an opinion and get no response, then I'll choose what I want, they will have to live with it.

I'm not longer going to be a doormat for people and I'm not longer going to be a weak person.

It's time to get my butt in gear and make things happen.

You know.. when I feel like it. lol.

When Boredom Strikes- DIY Edition #4

I want to introduce you all to the process that is my centerpieces.

I'm still working on making flowers for them, but I'm so excited about the way they are turning out!

All these are personal photos taken by myself.

Delivery of our vases! WOO!

Unfortunately, two of them broke during shipment. =(

What was left!! 18- 4x4x4 square vases and 2- 5x5x5 square vases (for the head table.)

Getting the flowers ready for construction!

My work station.

My crepe paper roses.

Centerpieces in the process of being completed. I filled the vases up with a mixture of poly pellets and colorfill vase filler. I also used floral foam blocks to stick the crepe paper flowers in.

Getting closer to being complete.

COMPLETED!!

Isn't it lovely?

Side view!

They aren't 100% complete (I only have 2 out of 20 done), we are going to put LED's in the vases so the cubes will slowly change colors during the whole reception! How awesome, right?!

30 Day Blog Challenge- Day #5

Your Favorite Quote

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. You believe less so eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together." by Marilyn Monroe

Holy Cow! --- A Detailed List.

My wedding is in one year and 11 days (to be exact) from today!! Since November marks my one year month, I decided to make a list of things that I need to do. I'm sure I'll add things as I think about them and cross them off as they are done.

Looking at how big the list is almost makes me sick to my stomach.. lol!

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Ceremony

• Decide if we want to write our own vows.
• Design programs and make them.
• Purchase sand ceremony frame.
• Purchase sand for sand ceremony.
• Make white feather wreaths for aisle decor.
• Paint monogram on aisle runner.
• Obtain marriage license.
• Meet with Priest.
• Choose readings.
• Choose songs.
• Attend pre-marital classes.
• Decide on something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
• Choose order of the wedding party.
• Figure out how to incorporate Derrick's mom into the ceremony and honor my mother that has passed away.
• Come up with hand ceremony reading. 
• Make bubbles.
• Design invitations.
• Make invitations.
• Mail invitations.
• Choose bridal party.
• Buy items for altar decor.

Reception

• Finish making crepe paper roses for centerpieces.
• Put together all the centerpieces (square vases and martini glasses.)
• Order and make LED throwies for centerpieces and paper lanterns.
• Order paper lanterns.
• Buy table clothes
• Buy table runners
• Buy/get icicle lights.
• Buy blue uplights/wall washes.
• Design photo guest book.
• Design decor for guest book table.
• Make decor for guest book table. (fabric string balls.)
• Design decor for cake table.
• Design decor for gift table.
• Make card photo box.
• Make chair sashes.
• Stamp cocktail napkins.
• Gocco dinner napkins.
• Purchase silverware.
• Purchase plates.
• Purchase cups.
• Design head table.
• Choose cake design.
• Have cake tasting.
• Buy vases for centerpieces.
• Buy guest book pen.
• Make and order photo share cards.
• Make favors.
• Purchase cake topper.
• Bling out cake topper.
• Buffet table decor.
• Choose dances.
• Make a must play and a do not play list for dj.
• Choose table locations.
• Make specialty drink list for bar.
• Get beer for the bar.
• Choose caterer.
• Have a food tasting.
• Pay caterer deposit.
• Buy drinks.
• Etch wedding party glasses.
• Buy cake serving set.
• Book photobooth if budget allows for it!

Flowers

• Dye petals tiffany blue for flower girl.
• Make 5 bridesmaids bouquets.
• Make bridal bouquet.
• Make toss bouquet.
• Make coursage for FMIL
• Make bouts for 5 groomsmen.
• Make bout for groom.
• Make 2 bouts for ushers.
• Make 2 bouts for fathers.
• Make bout for ring bearer.

Gifts

• Groom
• Buy bridesmaid gifts.
• Buy groomsmen gifts.
• Buy gifts for parents.
• Decide on and order grooms cake.
• Buy flower girl gift.
• Buy ring bearer gift.

Rehearsal Dinner

• PLAN!!!
• Serve Grooms cake
• Decorate reception hall.
• Pass out bridal party gifts.
• Decide on food.

Accomodations

• Book room blocks.
• Decide if I want to rent a hotel room before the wedding for myself and bridal party.
• Reserve room for the day before the wedding.
• Reserve room for the wedding night.
• Make list of items to use in bridal suite..

Misc. To-Do

• Make emergency kits.
• Make vendor lists with contact info.
• Plan honeymoon.
• Make honeymoon deposit.
• Make checklists for packing for wedding weekend.
• Make checklist for honeymoon.
• Plan getting ready outfit.
• Hire Hair dresser.
• Pick out hair style.
• Hire makeup artist.
• Schedule hair trial.
• Schedule makeup trial.
• Book photographer.
• Pay photographer deposit.
• Schedule engagement shoot.
• Pick location for engagement shoot.
• Pick outfit for engagement pictures.
• Choose a location for "First Look".
• Choose locations for pictures on the wedding day.
• Make a diet and workout plan.
• Pick our wedding dress.
• Order wedding dress.
• Get alterations.
• Pick out bridesmaids dresses.
• Order bridesmaids dresses
• Order brooch for bridesmaids dresses.
• Buy shoes.
• Buy purse.
• Buy bridal jewelry.
• Buy veil.
• Make/buy hair fascinator.
• Buy hoisery.
• Buy garters.
• Make ring bearer pillow.
• Choose BM accessories or let them pick their own.
• Make an appt for beauty treatments (hair color/highlights, hair trim, eyebrow wax).
• Make "Thank You" Parasol.
• Design thank you cards.
• Send out thank you cards (after the wedding.)
• Register for gifts.
• Attend bridal shower.
• Attend bachelorette party.
• Pick out wedding bands.
• Research on how to change name.
• Choose tuxedos.
• Make list for groomsmen and bridesmaids for duties.
• Make water bottle labels.
• Make handpainted wine glasses for BMs.
• Make wedding week and wedding day schedules.
• Get tips together for vendors.
• Book DJ.
• Pay DJ deposit.
• Book videographer.
• Pay videographer deposit.
• Pay off balance to vendors.
• Arrange for mail to be held when on honeymoon.
• Fill out photo shot list and give to photographer.
• Send folders to bridal party with wedding info.
• Pick flower girl dress.
• Rent limo.
• Purchase Gocco.
• Purchase paper for invites.
• Book reception hall.
• Pay deposit for reception hall.
• Book church.
• Make guest list.
• Get addresses.
• Make flower girl parasol.
• Get parasols for bridesmaids and myself.
• Buy envelopes for invites.
• Buy wax seal for invites.
• Buy bakers twin for invites.
• Buy embossing tool and powder.

For now, I'm off of here to clean up the townhouse some, make some more crepe paper flowers, go to the gym and watch Gossip Girl!

Oh yeah... and in three days the most awesomest friend in the whole entire world is visiting me!!!!

Cue the excitement!

30 Day Blog Challeng- Day #4

Your Favorite Book

Life Laughs by Jenny McCarthy

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"Sometimes you just have to laugh.

If your hair is always perfect; if you always have an umbrella when it rains; or if you are never, ever late, this is not the book for you. If, however, you sometimes wake up feeling fat, are late for work, are gossiped about, are screamed at by your children, and are not fully adored and nurtured by your beloved, then this is the book for you. Life doesn’t always work out the way we plan. There are good surprises and there are bad surprises. Jenny McCarthy, the New York Times bestselling author of Baby Laughs and Belly Laughs, told you the truth about childbirth and about the first year of mommyhood. Now she’s telling the truth about learning to juggle it all: work, motherhood, romance, sex; and even what to do when a relationship just isn’t working anymore. She doesn’t have all of the answers, but she knows what it’s like to be a modern woman in a mixed-up world—and she’s not holding back.

With outrageously funny musings on faking it, what to do when your man thinks your friend is a bitch, hiding the Visa bill, and what to do when you turn into your parents, Life Laughs is the perfect book for those days when you just want to crawl back into bed, the days you want to raise a glass with friends, and anytime you just want to giggle." (Product Description from Amazon.com)

I'm not married (yet!) nor do I have kids, but I love love loved this book. Jenny McCarthy is so hilarious that I absolutely could not put this down! I can't wait until I'm pregnant and can read her book called "Belly Laughs" and I also can't wait to go and buy her new book "Love, Lust and Faking It".

This book is real raw and can make you cringe, but it's a totally real look at life!

30 Day Blog Challenge- Day #4

Your Favorite Television Program

ONE TREE HILL

I'm not going to lie, I'm addicted to just about any reality tv show there is out, but my heart will always belong to One Tree Hill. I started watching this show when it first came on the air and I immediately fell in love with it (and Chad Michael Murray)! As the seasons went on, I became more and more invested in the characters and what was going on in their lives. Each episode spoke something to me, whether it was about life or something I had went through or was going through. I felt like I grew up with the characters and was drawn into each and every episode every week. That is what makes something a favorite in my book.

I own every season on DVD and still rewatch them to this day. A few of the seasons actually helped me through a hard time when I was dealing with the loss of a friendship. One Tree Hill may be in its current last season, but it'll probably always be my favorite show because of what it speaks to me.

When Boredom Strikes- DIY Edition #3

I made my bling shoes when I was going to be wearing a different dress. Since ordering my new dress, I figured I needed something that went with it just a little bit more than the bling shoes. Plus, I'm only a few inches shorted than Derrick and those bling shoes have 3 inch heels. (I will, however, wear the bling shoes for some pictures).

Anyways, this sent me on another DIY mission and I made some Louboutin inspired kitten heel shoes!! I bought a $5 pair of white kitten heels that I came across at Shoe Carnival and then I bought some white ribbon and white fabric and white thread. I cut out petal shaped bases and individual petals out of the fabric and handsewn them on to a stip of white ribbon. I then sewed then ribbon onto the toe of the shoe and made a piece of ribbon to go around my ankle and tie in a bow in the back. Here's how it turned out.

The shoe before:

 The completed shoe (excuse my pasty pale legs!)



Both of the completed shoes!

Completed shoes!

They are so cute and fun to wear!!